Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. When I speak to smaller audiences, I often ask them to describe the most likeable people they have ever worked with.
These qualities, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in emotional intelligence EQ. I could go on and on. Unlike innate, fixed characteristics, such as your intelligence IQ , EQ is a flexible skill that you can improve with effort. To help you improve your EQ, I did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable. They are genuine. Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable.
No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.
They ask thoughtful questions. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help. Only then can you let them be who they are. People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over.
About five years ago, I caught myself in a moment of bliss when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed reading. We had both been caught up in our books for a good 30 minutes, in total silence. And though we were both in our own worlds, the warmth of his hand on my thigh was a reminder that we were happily enjoying this time together.
It was one of the first blaring signals that this could be a forever type of love. We have the ability to get so much pleasure out of the simplest of things, like cleaning the apartment on weekends or picking up a new beer to pair with our cheap frozen pizza. Genuinely enjoying the simple moments in a relationship is a sign that a partnership is going to be able to stand the test of time.
Honestly, one of the things that I adore the most about my boyfriend is that he never neglects to say please and thank you, even after being together for six years. At the start of a relationship, kindness is a priority. But as time passes and you get more comfortable together, it can be easy for those simple gestures of appreciation to be put on the back burner. Truly lovable people are kind to the core, and that means they prioritize those little opportunities to show their partner that they appreciate them.
No matter how long a relationship lasts, a lovable person is going to give their partner just as much kindness and appreciation as they did when they first started dating.
But what is often overlooked is how a person who knows their own worth treats the people around them. They understand that everyone is on an equal playing ground and believe that status does not make one person better than another.
They are more likely to treat everyone with acceptance and strive to make those around them feel valuable. I hate being told to smile as much as the next person because sometimes I just don't want to, OK?
In his previously-mentioned piece, Bradberry wrote that since people naturally mirror the body language of the person with whom they're interacting, if you smile, they'll likely smile as well and leave feeling good about the interaction. Of course, sometimes "honesty" can be hurtful, not helpful, but overwhelmingly, if you're being honest and expressing how you really feel, people are going to respond positively to that. In a study published in Personality and Individual Differences , researchers found that couples who were honest with one another were in healthier relationships than those who weren't.
Honesty is lovable, even if you're sometimes a little bit apprehensive to share what you really think. Taking care of yourself shows that you love yourself, which, in turn, can make you seem more lovable to others. Coach and online teacher Barrie Davenport wrote on Live Bold and Bloom that it can be difficult to love someone who very clearly does not love themselves.
Knowing what you need in order to love yourself and generally be healthy can attract others to you. In his aforementioned post, Bradberry wrote that people who are likable know when to open up and be vulnerable without oversharing.
Oversharing can be off-putting, while being vulnerable can make you seem more human, more relatable, and more lovable. Everyone has flaws. Recognizing yours and being OK with having some can ultimately make you more lovable. In an article for Bolde, Kate Ferguson argued that recognizing your flaws can make you more relatable, make people more comfortable around you, and let people get to know who you really are instead of the polished, perfectionist version that you want them to see. Being yourself is lovable and sometimes that means being OK with having flaws and letting others see them.
Knowing your worth and what you deserve can definitely make you more lovable. You stand up for how you should be treated and don't tolerate anything less.
In an article for Entrepreneur , Michael Port argued that confidence — not arrogance — is attractive. Confidence can go along with knowing your worth and watching someone else have the confidence and self-worth to take a stand can make them come across as more likable.
In his previously-mentioned piece, Thomas wrote that looking people in the eye when you're speaking with them can make you seem more likable. It makes people feel important and like you're really paying attention and are invested in the conversation. That's one good way to endear someone to you. Just don't be too creepy about it. There's just something so lovable about someone who can laugh at themselves.
It shows that they don't take things too seriously, but it also makes them more relatable and more fun to be around. Aren't you impressed when someone remembers your name or the name of a friend or family member that they've only met briefly?
In his previously-mentioned piece for the Forbes website, Bradberry wrote that likable people make an extra effort to not only remember people's names, but use them whenever they see them. It shows that you took the extra step and that you felt like that person was important. In an interview with Fast Company , Lou Solomon, founder and CEO of Interact, said that if you put effort into your relationships and make people feel like the priority, they'll likely find you more trustworthy and more likable.
If people can trust you, chances are, that's something they'll like or even love about you. In a piece for Inc. You can tell that when they say that it was wonderful to meet you that they truly meant it. Being sincere is important whether you're just meeting someone or they're someone with whom you have a close relationship.
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